The other day, I sat and prayed, “God, be not far from me… I feel so guilty for my mistakes, I’m disappointed in myself… I fear others are disappointed in me… do something.”
A simple, straight forward and slightly distressed prayer.
I closed my eyes and decided to randomly flip open my bible and read the first verse I looked to. Psalm 43 is what I saw.
“Vindicate me, my God,
and plead my cause
against an unfaithful nation.
Rescue me from those who are
deceitful and wicked.
2 You are God my stronghold.
Why have you rejected me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?
3 Send me your light and your faithful care,
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.
4 Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”
Vindicate me, clear me of blame or suspicion. That’s a powerful thing to ask. Especially if you have been in the wrong. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked. Even though at times I may have been deceitful or wicked. You are my stronghold God, why have You rejected me and let me feel this mourning and oppression?
I think this is a thing we all go to firstly at some point, if we are in the wrong or if we have made mistakes. We firstly blame others and want to remove ourselves from the situation. Remove all blame from us like it never happened. This is unrealistic thinking, but it’s in our instinct to do so, at some point in time.
Then, the verse shifts… Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me. God lead me and carry me towards the right direction, the path You desire me to travel. Bring me to Your holy mountain. Then I will go to the altar, and I will praise you with music, You are my joy. MY God. If we lay everything at the feet of Jesus, He WILL lead us to the holy mountain, the place we belong. First, we must admit, and then surrender.
Why, my soul are you feeling so down? Why are you feeling disturbed? God does not condemn, these are not feelings from God. The accuser (Matthew 4:1), the tempter (Matthew 4:3), the adversary (Job 1) sends condemnation. Do not give him the power over your feelings.
My soul, put your hope in GOD. For I WILL yet praise Him, MY SAVIOR. MY GOD. If we are truly praising God, and truly trusting Him in the moment, there is no room for our soul to feel the condemnation of Satan. Admit, Repent, Seek, Worship. The rest is taken care of by God.
This is something I will continue to mess up on, over and over again, probably until the last day of my life! But I am so thankful I have this book, this written word of God, in front of me, that truly speaks to me, and gives me direction, comfort and truth. Y’all just read The Word. It’s awesome.
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